Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
