There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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