worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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