Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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