I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
