i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
