I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
