guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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