so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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