he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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