Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
