Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dick very happy bro
I smell like Dick and happiness
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