I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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