i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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