It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
