Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize