Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
