I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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