dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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