Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
