I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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