now i know why i became what i already was.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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