why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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