I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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