now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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