I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
