I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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