Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
