He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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