I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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