Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
