She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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