we have pet lesbian snakes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
