chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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