I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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