All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have aggressive nipples.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
