Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
