Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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