He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
