Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
