even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
ok first of all what the fuck
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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