Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
