two words: eviction party
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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