Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My cat gives me a boner
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
