So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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