Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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