Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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