well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
