you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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