you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
