oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
