Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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