You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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