I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
