i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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