Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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