some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
