i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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