he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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