I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
