You can't motorboat a personality
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
